Hands Tied Behind My Back

I know that everyone is waiting to hear about my trip and that will come...soon. My computer is still sick and now I'm at work (yes, I know it's Sunday, but I had to come on campus for somehting else, so I decided to check my email here.) This post has something to do with my trip, well at least with lessons learned from the trip.

The conference theme was "Moving to the Rhythm of His Grace." That was so powerful to me...to learn to walk to His pace, to His steps, to His guiding. Which leads me to the title, "Hands Tied Behind My Back." One thing that God has shown me lately is the need for surrender. Surrendering of everything. All of my plans, my dreams, my agenda. For example, at the conference, I was supposed to be there as a counselor. There were 50 women there and I had at least 6-8 slots. I saw 4 people all weekend and one person twice. I think if I had told her that she could come for the rest of the available times, she would have. I really didn't do much counseling, I just listened. I was feeling a bit defeated, like, "Why did I come here?" But when I let go and acknowledged the fact that God had called me here and that I answered the call, He used me in incredible ways.

There is a particular situation in my life (it's a good one, it's just that I'm not going to get into specifics here..if you want to know, ask. I don't mind telling you.) that is very difficult for me to surrender to the Lord. But I want to, I need to. I want to lay it down at His feet and leave it there, not pull it back. One of the hardest things for me is to realize that i'm not in control. (anybody else relate?) I want this so badly, to work out, to be great. But I'm also realizing that it can't be great, it can't even be possible if I don't lay it down. Last night, I was praying about it and the image of my hands being tied behind me came to my mind. That' s what I pictured: me at the feet of Jesus, laying this burden at His feet, humbly bowed, but my hands tied behind me so that I can't pick it back up, even if I wanted to. Strange. But honestly, that's how I feel. Lord, keep my hands tied as long as You need them to be. Teach me to walk in Your rhythm of grace, to your speed.

I'm back!

I made it in last night around 8:30. I've never been so glad to be back in the USA! Now, I'm still reeling a bit from the jet lag. The conference was incredible!!!! I'm still processing everything, but God was able to do increasing more than i ever thought was imaginable or possible. I was just willing. Croatia is absolutley gorgeous. I had a great quiet time in front of the Adratic Sea. I had a wonderful time, but am ready to get home. Work awaits me tommorrow, and I've already been warned that it is chaotic. But I'm going to trust my God to meet my needs. More later!

Leaving on a jet plane...

My bags are almost packed...and I'm getting ready to fly out on Monday to Croatia. I'm super excited. The Lord has been so good! Friday was a very smooth day at work, I'm way more organized and almost fully packed, the Lord provided for my every need for this trip through some very dear friends, a dear friend washed, waxed, vacummed and had the oil changed on my car simply because he wanted to give back to me. Wow! I still can't believe that I'm going to Croatia! I'm super excited for the opportunity to serve these precious women. I can't wait to hear about what God is doing in their lives in the Balkan area, and to also just encourage them and love on them. I need this trip as much as they do. I need to be renewed, refreshed, recharged, challenged, refocused. I'm already reaping the blessings of being obedient, but I can't wait to see what else God has in store for me.

Going overseas has a been a desire of my heart for several years, one that I only shared with one or two people. I knew that one day I would go overseas, even if just for a short time, but had no idea how, when, where, or even how God was going to do it. But He blew me away....rocked my world with this opportunity. I just had to be faithful in the here and now. In where He had me today. "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 36:4. How true this is!!!!!!! I'm seeing that in more ways than one.

I'm going to try to blog some while i'm there, but internet will be scarce. I have unlimited text messages, so I may try to text some. Feel free to text me! They are 7 hours ahead, so if you get random texts at odd hours, it's me!

• A few things to pray for:
• Traveling safety--especially for the 8 hour flight from Germany to Croatia!
• Wisdom in counseling the women
• Compassion
• Unity for the team- both the US Team and the Balkan team
• Strength
• Endurance- it's going to some long days, not helping- jet lag
• Spiritual renewal in the lives of the women
• Laughter for these women

Thanks for the prayers. See you in a week!

New Chapter

Okay, I know it's been awhile since I've posted!! But my computer is still sick and things have been crazy busy with work, life and Croatia! I leave two weeks from tommorrow! I'm so excited....I'm so grateful for the opportunity be able to go...God doesn't forget our secret dreams!

Today was sort of a milestone for me...but this time, in a good way. 9 years ago today, my ex-boyfriend, Shane, was killed in a forklift accident. (I think I mentioned him in a previous post...if not and you want to know about it, just ask. Don't really feel like typing it all out here..besides its not that important anymore.) Every year up until about the past 2 years, I've dreaded this day. I made sure that I was busy, either out of town, with friends, whatever, anything to keep me from thinking about it. Today, it hit me while driving home from BR, what day it was. As time went on, this day got easier, so much that I often have to stop and remind myself what day it was.

Today, instead of being sad, I was thankful. Truly thankful. Grateful. Thankful that God knew what He was doing all along, thankful for His sovereignity, thankful for the lessons that I learned, thankful for the way that He restored my broken heart and gave me new dreams, thankful for Shane being a part of my life, yet equally thankful that things did not turn out the way that I wanted them to. It was a sweet time of worship, just pouring my heart out to the Lover of My soul, to the Great Healer, who loves me. My soul welled up with thankfulness. 9 years ago, I never would have in a million years imagined this day...the day that I would be truly okay with the way that things turned out...that I would come to accept God's will, no matter how much it hurt. There were days when I could barely breathe...i felt like the air was sucked out of the room, that I couldn't quit crying, that I was so mad, that I just didn't understand. Now my days are filled with laughter, joy unspeakable, new hope, and new dreams.

I feel like a new chapter in my life is beginning. It's incredible to see how God has worked in my life over the past 9 years, and to where He brought me today. I remember in my grief, there were days when I was certain that I would never smile again. Over the past few days, I haven't stopped smiling! I was sure that my life was over...little did I know that it was just beginning. Oh, how God is good!

Hurricanes

Growing up in South La., we never had snow days. Instead we had hurricane days! You could usually bet that you would get at least one or two days off of school a year during hurricane season. Hurricane Andrew was the worst...no power for like a week! Ahh...bliss: being stuck inside with 90 degree temps, no tv, no nothing!

I was supposed to go vist my parents for Labor day, but Gustav changed my plans. So instead, I went to Dallas for the weekend...cheesecake factory, shopping, new shoes...fun stuff! I've been off of work yesterday and today because of the flash flooding. Luckily, i've not lost power. My parents on the other hand...not so lucky. They've been without power since Monday and it's not showing any signs of being back on any time soon. And my grandmother is staying with them because the nursing home lost power and was forced to evacuate. My mom's patience is wearing thin. My grandmother has Parkinsons and is on tons of medicine and doesn't handle change very well. So pray for them! It's been kind of nervewracking for me because I know they are safe but I can't go home and am not sure when I'll be able to get down there. At least the phone connections are better than Katrina.

The rain has been soothing at night to go to sleep, but certainly not when I nearly got stuck in my neighborhood yesterday. I was trying to be good and work out, but only got halfway out of my neighborhood before I decided to turn back. All this rain is making me in a funky mood! But at least the sun is out for now. More later!

A lot going on

I'm still here! My computer is still sick, and I've finally gotten internet at work, but my blogs have not been consistent still, as I was reminded of this last night (thanks, Patrick!) A lot has been going on: new project at work finally is up and running, doctor's appointments and tests (I've had this sharp pain in my side for nearly two weeks..not fun!) getting ready to go to Croatia, life in general!

This weekend I went to columbia for my old youth minister's surprise 40th birthday/5 year church anniversary party. The kids were so excited to see Nana and made Nana feel extra special..ahh, i love these kids, but it's so nice to leave them at their house! LOL

So much has happened....a lot of reflection going on. But I will share this cool story that God has used to rock my world. A few posts back, I mentioned about my dear friend who was diagnosed with cancer and facing an uncertain road. About three weeks ago, he was having further tests to see what type of treatment needed to be done, stages, etc. Well, he called me a few days after he had the tests done and the doctors gave him a clean bill of health!!! No cancer any where! And on top of it...there was no evidence of scar tissue from the three previous surgeries nearly four years ago. I was speechless!!! I've heard of stories about people who have had this happened to them, but I never knew anyone personally. I saw how sick my friend was....so sick that he was in so much pain that he could barely lift his head. I was reminded of Thomas when Jesus told him to place his hands where the nails had been...that was the only way that Thomas would believe. Sometimes seeing is believing! This just reminded me of how God is truly the Great Physician and that He is still in the miracle business. I think sometimes we forget this. So look around, God still performs miracles! More later!

i'm still alive

Just a quick update....i'm still here! my internet has been down on my computer at home and at work!!!! I promise I'll write more soon! But my news is this: I'M GOING TO CROATIA!!!! I'm super uber excited. It's a mission trip to lead a women's conference for missionary wives. I'm going as a counselor. I'm thrilled beyond belief, amazed at how God put all the pieces together. More soon