Choosing Joy

The holidays are over and I'm ready to get back into a routine! I didn't get a chance to blog over Christmas, but it was a great one. I got to be home for a week, which was so nice. I got to spend time with my family ,and catch up with my best friend from college and spend some time with my friend's little girl while her oldest was in the hospital. I got a Crockpot and electric blanket for Christmas- my two favorite gifts!

I've never been big into New Year's resolutions, simply for the fact that I have really good intentions, but can't seem to stick with it. I was talking with my friend Lyndsey about a theme for the New Year. I'm coming into my last year in my 20's. Yikes! I want this year to different, to be my best year ever, in all areas of my life. I really feel like that God is going to do big things in my life this year, as evidenced by a few things that have recently happened that only He could do. Closure came to an area of my life that I so desperately needed. It stung at first, but it was a breath of fresh air. He revealed to me that even though the past 2 years have been very difficult in a lot of different ways, He has used it to prepare the way for the future.

I'm choosing joy. No matter what happens. I've realized that I determine how I respond to things. (I know, I'm a social worker- I know this- but its different when its you!) I can be miserable and wallow or I can choose to lay it at the feet of Jesus and choose joy. It's a conscious decision. For example, this morning, the garage door was stuck and it was freezing outside. This meant that I had to get out of the car, close the door from the inside of the garage and go out the front door. It was so cold!! But I just took a deep breath and said, "I choose joy." I want this for all areas of my life. I want to have joy and live on purpose.

• When I'm buried in paperwork at work, I choose joy because I have a job.
• When a parent's choice impacts their child, I choose joy rather than be irritated because God is using me to help their child and them.
• When I am frustrated at people's attitude towards me, I choose joy rather than give into frustration.
• When I get lonely from cooking for one and eating by myself, I choose joy because there is a table and food to put on it.
• When I go to bed at night wondering "How did I get here?", I choose joy because I know that God is with me: walking before me, behind me, on either side, hemming me in, covering me with His love and faithfulness.

I'm choosing joy because the "joy of the Lord is my strength."

Miracles

I've always believed in miracles, but haven't experienced many of them myself. Until now. And I got to experience two. A mutual friend (well, more aquaintance- friend of a friend) was hospitalized a few weeks ago with early labor at 23 weeks. She had a lot of complications and definitley would not make it to full term. My friend, Lyndsey, called and told me about it, to praying for her. This friend is a new believer and her faith is still growing. We were praying to get past 28 weeks. The outcome was grim. Saturday, R had to have an emergency c-section, she was a few days shy of 28 weeks. The baby weighed 2 lbs and 4 oz and considering all the possibilities, is doing pretty good. Lyndsey told me that she was praying that God would give R some sign of hope that the baby would be okay. The baby was born crying his lungs out and flailing. Miracle! He's got a long way to go, but for him to just have made it alive, is a miracle in itself.

Then today, I got to experience another miracle. This one is a little difficult to explain because I can't go into the details, but just know that it was a miracle that things turned out the way they did. I had a situation at work, that left us with our hands tied. It was bad and there was nothing that we could do. This morning, I prayed, "Lord, I need a miracle. There is nothing else that I can do. I can't do what needs to happen. Only You can." It was a long day, from start to finish. We had so many people praying, I was on the phone with workers, you name it. We had a time crunch of when something had to be done. I was pacing, with panic. Finally, the miracle that I had been praying for, came. The verse "For nothing is impossible with God" became so real to me.

It was not a coinicidence that this happened today, to me. My faith is has been really challenged lately- do I really believe that God can do what He says He can do? I'm not doubting my faith in Him by any means. I think that sometimes we believe God can do what He says He will with our heads, but it is not always easy to believe that with our hearts. I need to believe that God is who He says that He is, that God can do what He says that He will do. I need to believe it with my heart. Even if it takes a modern day miracle for me to see it.

Thanksgiving..the day after!

I had typed a post last night and then somehow, right before I clicked post, I hit something and it disappeared! I was too tired to type it again! I had a wonderful Thanksgiving, probably the best in a long time. There wasn't really anything different about it, I think it was just my mindset- a bit more appreciative of things. I'm able to be home for 2 days longer because of work, so that's nice.

For Thanksgiving, we made our trek to my great-aunt's house. I love Thanksgiving there! We all cram into the house and the kitchen, and the house is full of laughter and good smells. Although the number of people has gotten smaller over the years, the love and laughter hasn't changed one bit.

Then there was Black Friday- we are crazy! My mom, me, and my aunt hit the mall. We've been going every year since I can remember- I've only missed one Black Friday and that was a few years ago, when I went to the LSU/Arkansas game. I'm almost completely done with my christmas shopping and I got a few things for me-on sale!

Saturday, my dad and I are going to the LSU/Arkansas game. We managed to get tickets from my cousin. I'm super excited...I love the Tigers, even though I don't know much about football. It's just something about being in Tiger Stadium on a Saturday night! And it's something that I get to share with my daddy, so even better!

There is so much that I have to be Thankful for this year. Here are just a few.

• My house. The buying process was very stressful, but I'm so thankful that I was able to buy my own home, and be able to make it my own. I'm looking forward to having Christmas parties there, finish decorating it and really "living in it".
• New friendships this year. The Lord really knew that I needed girlfriends who were in the same season as me. Two of my close friends both got married this year and another is getting married this summer, so it's been a struggle for me...at times, I feel like I'm constantly being reminded that I'm single. But God knew my heart and has sent me two precious friends that I can laugh with and do life with.
• My church- I love my church. I'm so thankful that I belong to a body of believers who are the body of Christ. I am thankful for the worship and teaching that is brought to us each week. I love my LIFE group and how God is using us.
• My lifelong friend- my BFF Jessica and my niece, Vivienne. I got to spend some time with them earlier this week. Vivienne showed her Aunt Ash her new trick: blowing bubbles! I love that little girl- can't wait to watch her grow up and continue to steal my heart. I love how Jess and I can go for a while without seeing each other, but we can pick right back up where we left off.
• My family- I'm so blessed beyond measure. Not only was I raised in a Christian home with godly parents, but I was blessed with godly grandparents also.
• My job- I'm so blessed to be working in ministry doing my dream job. There are moments when I think I want to quit and ask God, "What were you thinking when you called me to do this??" but the hugs and smiles from my kids make it worthwhile.
• My college years. Earlier this week, I got to drive through my college campus. I passed by the Baptist Collegiate Ministries (BCM). I hated that it was locked and I couldn't go in. The B played such a huge part of my life during those 4 years and helped me to become the person I am today. There, I learned how to do ministry, the importance of servant leadership and the meaning of true friendship. I grew so much in my faith and walk during those times. I met some incredible people and made friendships to last a lifetime.
• Being able to go to Ridgecrest. I spent Labor day in Asheville, NC at Ridgecrest for Single's Adventure Weekend. There, I literally had a mountain top experience (3 miles up the mountain!) but the whole weekend was a breath of fresh air to my weary soul.
• Contentment in being single. I know that I often write about this a lot, but it's where I am at the moment. I finally feel content being single, like I've pushed past the wall. I'm not exactly sure how it all took place, but all I can say is that it's the Lord's work. He finally healed my heart and helped me to see that what I thought I wanted wasn't really His best for me, but just a taste of what is to come.
• The treasure of friendships. Losing my precious friend Wendi really helped me to see the treasure that I have in my friendships. Wendi was so intentional in all that she did. I miss her smile and her laugh.

So even though life looks very different from what I had pictured it to be at this point, I have so much to be truly thankful for this year.

Dwelling in the Land

I love Psalm 37...I have all sorts of notes written on the page in my Bible. I was reading this passage the other day and I noticed something that I hadn't noticed before. Don't you just love when God speaks a new Word?

Psalm 37:3-4: Trust in the Lord and do good, dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I heard Dave Edwards talk on this passage a few weeks ago and he said that the word land can literally be translated to mean "the will of God." It made me think about the Israelites and how God wanted to take them into the promised land- the will of God.

So in this passage, to "dwell in the land" means to live in the will of God. Dwell means to make at home, to put roots down, to live. I thought about where God has me right now and how I'm not really enjoying it as much as I should be.

Then I read "dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture". To enjoy being where God has me, to realize that the safest place for me to be is in the center of His will. To find comfort in that safety.

To delight myself in the Lord- to take joy in, to find pleasure in Him. To realize that He is my greatest joy, my treasure.

I'm so thankful that He knows the desires of my heart, even the ones that I don't know how to express to Him or that I don't even know myself. I'm so thankful that as much as He wants me to delight in Him, He delights in me even more.

This time last year....

This time last year, I was in beautiful Brela, Croatia with 50 other women who were missionaries, soaking up the sun and the love of the Father. Well, this time now, many of those same women are in Brela again. As i was traveling on the road today (for what felt like the billionth time in the pouring rain), I reflected on that trip.

It was an opportunity of a lifetime, something that I had only dreamed about doing. I still remember when I got the phone call telling me about the trip and finding out that I only had three days to give an answer. I remember having three specific factors for me to know if I was meant to go: 1. my parent's favor, 2. being able to get off of work,3. finances. I remember standing in amazement as all three of those factors were met in ways that I never expected. I remember our commissioning service at church and the beautiful prayers that were prayed over us as we were at the altar.

I remember when I first landed in Split. It was such an exciting feeling. I loved seeing the city. I remember when we arrived in Brela and I saw the Adriatic sea for the first time and it took my breath away. I remember when the US team met the Brela team for the first time and how I immediately felt like I had known all of them my entire life. I remember the time of worship that we had before beginning the last minute preparations. For the first time, I really felt like I was standing on Holy Ground.

I remember not being sure exactly why God brought me there. I remember feeling useless because i wasn't counseling anyone. I remember the peace and joy that I felt when the lightbulb went off and I realized that I was brought there to be His hands and feet.

I remember the quiet time I had on the sea: sitting on the rocks in the sea, mountains in the background, church bells in the background. I remember being amazed at the work of the Holy Spirit. I had always known about God the Father and God the Son, but had never really understood or known the God the Spirit. I learned to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit, to His prompting, to His guidance.

Even when I returned back to the states, this has stayed with me. I've learned to be more aware of the Holy Spirit, learning to listen to Him, being obedient to the Spirit's movement. I'm so thankful that God is always at work. I'm glad that He had to take me across the ocean to show me that in a way that changed me forever.

Heaven is putting out the good dishes tonight

You may be wondering about the title. Tonight, my precious friend Wendi went to meet Jesus. Her mom wrote in her fb status that she was sure that Wendi was going to make sure that heaven had the "good dishes" out when she arrived. Wendi was a true Southern Belle and always talked about serving food on the good dishes. I smiled when I read that statement, because it is so true.

My heart is breaking for her family: her parents and brother, her husband and her precious 3 yr old Zoe, who is Wendi's mini-me. But despite the heartbreak and tears, there is a peace. She is in better hands now. A friend of ours said tonight, "She isn't suffering anymore." She's in the place where she longed to be more than anything else. Her lungs are working perfectly so she's able to sing praises to the Most High. She's praising her heavenly Father for eternity. I'm a bit jealous of her....she is finally home.

I was talking with a friend of mine about what I loved about Wendi.

• Her Southern drawl
• Her ridiculously expensive boots that she bought in New York- Wendi was proud of her stylish boots. "Girl, I just had to have them!"
• Her love for kitchen gadgets even though she rarely cooked
• Her encouragment to me- "You're the total package- you'll meet him one day" LOL
• her stories about her "crazy Aunt mary"
• the way that she made everyone feel like a close friend
• the love that she had for her little girl
• the time that she gave some of Zoe's baby clothes and blankets to me to help a client who needed them
• her heart

So tonight, my heart is a little heavy, but filled with joy knowing that Wendi is finally home. Tommorrow, I'm going shopping for some kitchen gadget that I'm sure that I won't ever use...just for Wendi.

Praying for my friend

This is a picture of me and my friend, Wendi Janway-Jones, that was taken at our circle of friends Christmas party last year. Wendi has been very sick for the past few weeks and will likely be meeting Jesus very soon.

Wendi and I met at church. We didn't really know each other that well until we were a part of the same circle of friends in our women's ministry. Those times were filled with lots and lots of laughter and of course, food!!!

Wendi is amazing! She is one of those people that captures your heart as soon as you meet her. Her smile and her laughter are contagious. She has this Southern drawl that I just love. I can hear her now.."How are you doing, girl?" Or better yet, "That ain't right." Wendi has had a lot of health problems over the years, but you would never know it by looking at her or hearing her talk. She is always so positive, so joyful. I can't think of a time when I haven't seen her smiling or laughing.

Her health has taken a drastic turn over the past few weeks. I was able to go to the hospital about 2 weeks ago to see her and her family. At the time, she was heavily sedated. I've been in many hospital rooms and waiting rooms over the years. Never have I ever felt such a peace in a hospital room as I did when i was in Wendi's room. It was so peaceful. I know that it is because God's hand is on her life and that of her family. So so many people have been praying for her and her family. In a way, the situation didn't seem so tragic as it should have been. Her family knows that the outcome is likely not good, but they know that God is in control and Wendi's life is in His hands.

My heart breaks for her family: for her parents and brother, her husband and her precious little girl. But however, I know that God is sovereign and the God of all comfort and peace. I wish that I had gotten to know Wendi better. However, she inspires me. Inspires me to trust God no matter what, to love deeply, to be a better friend, to have a better attitude, to live life to the fullest.

Wendi's mom has been updating on facebook about Wendi. It's been so encouraging to see the comments that Wendi's friends have posted. Wendi is loved by so many people, she has touched so many lives and didn't know it. What has amazed me the most is to see the body of Christ come together to lift up Wendi and her family. Her family has experienced the body of Christ being His hands and feet: from the cards, visits, goodie bags, food, but most of all: prayers.

So, if anyone reads this (all 3 of you!) please lift up my dear friend and her family.