Okay, I know it's been awhile since I've posted!! But my computer is still sick and things have been crazy busy with work, life and Croatia! I leave two weeks from tommorrow! I'm so excited....I'm so grateful for the opportunity be able to go...God doesn't forget our secret dreams!
Today was sort of a milestone for me...but this time, in a good way. 9 years ago today, my ex-boyfriend, Shane, was killed in a forklift accident. (I think I mentioned him in a previous post...if not and you want to know about it, just ask. Don't really feel like typing it all out here..besides its not that important anymore.) Every year up until about the past 2 years, I've dreaded this day. I made sure that I was busy, either out of town, with friends, whatever, anything to keep me from thinking about it. Today, it hit me while driving home from BR, what day it was. As time went on, this day got easier, so much that I often have to stop and remind myself what day it was.
Today, instead of being sad, I was thankful. Truly thankful. Grateful. Thankful that God knew what He was doing all along, thankful for His sovereignity, thankful for the lessons that I learned, thankful for the way that He restored my broken heart and gave me new dreams, thankful for Shane being a part of my life, yet equally thankful that things did not turn out the way that I wanted them to. It was a sweet time of worship, just pouring my heart out to the Lover of My soul, to the Great Healer, who loves me. My soul welled up with thankfulness. 9 years ago, I never would have in a million years imagined this day...the day that I would be truly okay with the way that things turned out...that I would come to accept God's will, no matter how much it hurt. There were days when I could barely breathe...i felt like the air was sucked out of the room, that I couldn't quit crying, that I was so mad, that I just didn't understand. Now my days are filled with laughter, joy unspeakable, new hope, and new dreams.
I feel like a new chapter in my life is beginning. It's incredible to see how God has worked in my life over the past 9 years, and to where He brought me today. I remember in my grief, there were days when I was certain that I would never smile again. Over the past few days, I haven't stopped smiling! I was sure that my life was over...little did I know that it was just beginning. Oh, how God is good!
3 comments:
you and these blog post titles of yours. "a new chapter".... thought again that we might be losing you there for a minute!
i'd like to hear your story sometime when you feel like it.
Glad to hear from you. I've missed your posts.
Oh, the pain of love lost. I had the exact same feelings after seeing the new Nicholas Sparks movie this weekend. I just knew I was going home to cry and "reminise" Laura-style. But something clicked and I decided to mop my floors at 11:00 at night instead. I thought, "GOd, you are so funny!" No cryin' - just alot of elbow grease on my floors!
Ashley....we never know do we?
God does though and He's worth holding onto through thick and thin.
Praise Him for your healing and the compassion and understanding this hard road has given you...He was and is with you...all the way!!
Hugs to you Girl,
God Bless
Robyn xx
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