Dwelling in the Land

I love Psalm 37...I have all sorts of notes written on the page in my Bible. I was reading this passage the other day and I noticed something that I hadn't noticed before. Don't you just love when God speaks a new Word?

Psalm 37:3-4: Trust in the Lord and do good, dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I heard Dave Edwards talk on this passage a few weeks ago and he said that the word land can literally be translated to mean "the will of God." It made me think about the Israelites and how God wanted to take them into the promised land- the will of God.

So in this passage, to "dwell in the land" means to live in the will of God. Dwell means to make at home, to put roots down, to live. I thought about where God has me right now and how I'm not really enjoying it as much as I should be.

Then I read "dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture". To enjoy being where God has me, to realize that the safest place for me to be is in the center of His will. To find comfort in that safety.

To delight myself in the Lord- to take joy in, to find pleasure in Him. To realize that He is my greatest joy, my treasure.

I'm so thankful that He knows the desires of my heart, even the ones that I don't know how to express to Him or that I don't even know myself. I'm so thankful that as much as He wants me to delight in Him, He delights in me even more.

This time last year....

This time last year, I was in beautiful Brela, Croatia with 50 other women who were missionaries, soaking up the sun and the love of the Father. Well, this time now, many of those same women are in Brela again. As i was traveling on the road today (for what felt like the billionth time in the pouring rain), I reflected on that trip.

It was an opportunity of a lifetime, something that I had only dreamed about doing. I still remember when I got the phone call telling me about the trip and finding out that I only had three days to give an answer. I remember having three specific factors for me to know if I was meant to go: 1. my parent's favor, 2. being able to get off of work,3. finances. I remember standing in amazement as all three of those factors were met in ways that I never expected. I remember our commissioning service at church and the beautiful prayers that were prayed over us as we were at the altar.

I remember when I first landed in Split. It was such an exciting feeling. I loved seeing the city. I remember when we arrived in Brela and I saw the Adriatic sea for the first time and it took my breath away. I remember when the US team met the Brela team for the first time and how I immediately felt like I had known all of them my entire life. I remember the time of worship that we had before beginning the last minute preparations. For the first time, I really felt like I was standing on Holy Ground.

I remember not being sure exactly why God brought me there. I remember feeling useless because i wasn't counseling anyone. I remember the peace and joy that I felt when the lightbulb went off and I realized that I was brought there to be His hands and feet.

I remember the quiet time I had on the sea: sitting on the rocks in the sea, mountains in the background, church bells in the background. I remember being amazed at the work of the Holy Spirit. I had always known about God the Father and God the Son, but had never really understood or known the God the Spirit. I learned to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit, to His prompting, to His guidance.

Even when I returned back to the states, this has stayed with me. I've learned to be more aware of the Holy Spirit, learning to listen to Him, being obedient to the Spirit's movement. I'm so thankful that God is always at work. I'm glad that He had to take me across the ocean to show me that in a way that changed me forever.

Heaven is putting out the good dishes tonight

You may be wondering about the title. Tonight, my precious friend Wendi went to meet Jesus. Her mom wrote in her fb status that she was sure that Wendi was going to make sure that heaven had the "good dishes" out when she arrived. Wendi was a true Southern Belle and always talked about serving food on the good dishes. I smiled when I read that statement, because it is so true.

My heart is breaking for her family: her parents and brother, her husband and her precious 3 yr old Zoe, who is Wendi's mini-me. But despite the heartbreak and tears, there is a peace. She is in better hands now. A friend of ours said tonight, "She isn't suffering anymore." She's in the place where she longed to be more than anything else. Her lungs are working perfectly so she's able to sing praises to the Most High. She's praising her heavenly Father for eternity. I'm a bit jealous of her....she is finally home.

I was talking with a friend of mine about what I loved about Wendi.

• Her Southern drawl
• Her ridiculously expensive boots that she bought in New York- Wendi was proud of her stylish boots. "Girl, I just had to have them!"
• Her love for kitchen gadgets even though she rarely cooked
• Her encouragment to me- "You're the total package- you'll meet him one day" LOL
• her stories about her "crazy Aunt mary"
• the way that she made everyone feel like a close friend
• the love that she had for her little girl
• the time that she gave some of Zoe's baby clothes and blankets to me to help a client who needed them
• her heart

So tonight, my heart is a little heavy, but filled with joy knowing that Wendi is finally home. Tommorrow, I'm going shopping for some kitchen gadget that I'm sure that I won't ever use...just for Wendi.

Praying for my friend

This is a picture of me and my friend, Wendi Janway-Jones, that was taken at our circle of friends Christmas party last year. Wendi has been very sick for the past few weeks and will likely be meeting Jesus very soon.

Wendi and I met at church. We didn't really know each other that well until we were a part of the same circle of friends in our women's ministry. Those times were filled with lots and lots of laughter and of course, food!!!

Wendi is amazing! She is one of those people that captures your heart as soon as you meet her. Her smile and her laughter are contagious. She has this Southern drawl that I just love. I can hear her now.."How are you doing, girl?" Or better yet, "That ain't right." Wendi has had a lot of health problems over the years, but you would never know it by looking at her or hearing her talk. She is always so positive, so joyful. I can't think of a time when I haven't seen her smiling or laughing.

Her health has taken a drastic turn over the past few weeks. I was able to go to the hospital about 2 weeks ago to see her and her family. At the time, she was heavily sedated. I've been in many hospital rooms and waiting rooms over the years. Never have I ever felt such a peace in a hospital room as I did when i was in Wendi's room. It was so peaceful. I know that it is because God's hand is on her life and that of her family. So so many people have been praying for her and her family. In a way, the situation didn't seem so tragic as it should have been. Her family knows that the outcome is likely not good, but they know that God is in control and Wendi's life is in His hands.

My heart breaks for her family: for her parents and brother, her husband and her precious little girl. But however, I know that God is sovereign and the God of all comfort and peace. I wish that I had gotten to know Wendi better. However, she inspires me. Inspires me to trust God no matter what, to love deeply, to be a better friend, to have a better attitude, to live life to the fullest.

Wendi's mom has been updating on facebook about Wendi. It's been so encouraging to see the comments that Wendi's friends have posted. Wendi is loved by so many people, she has touched so many lives and didn't know it. What has amazed me the most is to see the body of Christ come together to lift up Wendi and her family. Her family has experienced the body of Christ being His hands and feet: from the cards, visits, goodie bags, food, but most of all: prayers.

So, if anyone reads this (all 3 of you!) please lift up my dear friend and her family.

The day my life forever changed

I know I've been a little slacking in my posting, but today, I finally got internet at my house, so hopefully I'll be a little better at keeping it up. Now if I can just find my camera cord, then maybe I'll put up pics of my house! It's coming along nicely...i just love it. Right now, my favorite room in the house is the kitchen. It's pale yellow with red, black and white accents.

What I'm writing next is purely for my benefit...my blog is therapeutic for me. If you want to read on, please do. I don't mind. I just have to get it out.

10 years ago today, my life was forever changed. I wrote it about the anniversary last year here. Here's a little backstory: Shane and I were in the same youth group in high school. We dated very briefly, but we remained really good friends. It was the typical high school relationship, i call it the "ping pong" effect.."I like you, you like me, let's date, but not right now...etc" I saw him as someone who I could see myself with for the rest of my life, i loved him, but I knew that no matter what, I would never mean as much to him as he would mean to me. Our relationship was very turbulent at times...we would go months without speaking to each other. Shortly, before I left for college, we had heartfelt talk about us and decided that we would start over as friends and if God wanted us to be together, then we would be together in His timing, not ours. I'm so thankful that we had that conversation. I had no idea what would be ahead for us.

I can remember exactly where I was that day I got the dreaded news. I was coming back from an evening class when I saw a note on my door that my suitemate had my phone and that my parents had called. THere was a message on my machine from a friend of Shane and I telling me that there had been an accident and that I needed to call her or Shane's mom right away. Immediately, I knew it was bad. My suitemate, kristi, came in and told me that there had been an accident, that my parents were on their way, and that Shane had been killed. Time stood still. I can remember hitting my knees, pinching myself, thinking any minute I was going to wake up. I screamed so loud that it was heard on the other side of the building. I just saying, "I never told him I loved him, I never told him. " Shane had been killed in a forklift accident at his job.

My mom and my paw-paw arrived to bring me home..that was the longest hour and half ride of my life. The next day was a blur. I sang at his funeral...something that was so hard, but I'm so thankful that i was able to do that. I remember thinking, "I should be singing at our wedding, not his funeral...our funeral." It was not only his funeral, but a funeral for my dreams. I thought my life was over with...I was so sure that I'd never love again, that my life was over.

The grief was unimaginable. At times, it felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. I could barely hold my head up, barely hold a conversation without bursting into tears. Slowly, God began to heal my heart....it would take several long posts to tell you about that...but it was amazing.

I'd often thought about what life would be like a year later, two years later, ten. Wow, here I am. This has been an amazing journey. I remember a turning point in my journey: on my knees, yelling at God, why in the world did this happen, if we weren't meant to be together, fine, but did he have to die? I didn't understand. In that moment, God met me there. In the stillness, I heard Him gently say, "It's the only way that you would ever know." I know now that Shane was not God's best for me. But love is blind...i think that i wouldn't have seen it any other way.

Today hit me harder than I had expected. It isn't so much of the fact of the loss...I still miss him, but I came to terms with that a long time ago. I think it's just that now life looks different than I had thought it would look now. When Shane died, I knew that my life was going to be forever changed. Iknew that there would be someone new in my life, someone who truly loved me for me, who wouldn't try to change me, who wouldn't love me only when it was convenient.

Last night and today, I've been thankful. Thankful that I'm alive. Thankful that I've learned so much about myself, about God, about the plans that He has for me, thankful that for some reason, He chose me to walk this road. So even though life doesn't look like how I thought it would be, it doesn't mean that God doesn't have a plan. I'm walking along the road with Him leading and guiding my every step.

Long time, no post...not really much to say

Tess, this is for you!I know it's been a while since I've posted. Things have been busy, busy. Here are a few things that have happened in my world since I last posted.

• Celebrated my 28th birthday. 30 is inching closer!
• Went to Hot Springs, AR and had the bath house experience. I also experienced falling into a koi pond, ate some of the best salsa in the world and then the next day, slipped and wore the salsa!
• I became an aunt! Vivienne Rose made her grand entrance on July 3. Auntie A got to meet her a few weeks ago and she is beautiful. I told her that she was going to be my flower girl and she just grinned.
• My friends Lyndsey and Alex got married on July 4 and the wedding and reception were fabulous!
• Had a blind date....another one bites the dust.
• Had my first get together at my house.
• Started a little flower garden on my back patio and are growing mint- haven't killed it yet!
• Getting further and further along the road to contentment of being single. God is so good!!

Okay, not much going on. I'll try to update more often!

Time Flies

I know it's been a little while, as Tess reminded me the other day. (I told her that I'll just have to keep running into her to remind me to update!) A lot has happened the past few weeks, but the biggest is: I NOW OWN A HOUSE!!!-okay, so i'm just a tad excited. Yesterday, after the blinds people left from measuring the blinds, I nearly did a cartwheel in my living room..my living room! I refrained myself because I didn't want to hurt myself, so I did the happy dance and squealed instead. Don't worry....i'll post pictures soon. I love my house! As I was signing my life away yesterday, I kept thinking, "I don't believe this...this is crazy!" But I love it- I can't wait to get it fixed up and have people over and just love the space-no more cramped apartment living.

The other night, I passed by the local college where a high school graduation was being held. Oh, the memories it brought back. Ten years ago, I was graduating high school. I was thinking about this the other day. I remember how scared I was, yet excited. The thought of college scared the mess out of me. I was an adult, but I longed to stay like Peter Pan forever. The thought of being in the real world scared me so much. I remember crying to my mom the first two weeks of school, "I don't look like I should be in college, I don't feel like I should be in college....so why am I here????" My whole life was ahead of me....all the dreams that I had for myself. But all how life changes in the blink of an eye.

My college years were some of the best and the toughest years of my life. I grew so much in relationship with God. I began to experience Him for myself in ways that were unique to me. I made friendships that would last a lifetime. I also experienced grief in a way that I thought would kill me. I had countless experiences. I fell in love with missions and servanthood. I began to discover who I was in Christ and the plans that He had for me. I remember how scared I was when I graduated college. (Are we seeing a pattern here? I'm not a huge fan of change! but who is?) It was three weeks before graduation and I had no idea where I was going to grad school, i was leaving all of my friends and everything familiar behind me. I had no clue what God was doing.

I moved home for grad school and went to LSU-the hardest year of my academic life. It was horrible! But I graduated- I had never been so glad to get a piece of paper in my life! There was still that fear of the unkown, but mixed with excitement too. I had no idea where I was going to live, but somehow knew that it would be okay. God answered my prayers so specifically and it was a new lesson in faith for me.

I moved nearly 200 miles away from home and knew three people in the city that I moved to. Iremember thinking, "What am I doing here? God, where are you?" I knew that God had called me here, but it felt like I was wandering in the desert. The first year was pretty rough. But God is forever faithful.

Nearly 28 years on earth, 10 years out of high school, 6 years out of college, 5 years out of grad school, here I am: living the life that He has called me to do. Now it hasn't been easy and there are some days when I don't understand anything at all, but God has just blessed me tremendously, in ways more than I can ever ask or imagine. He is so faithful when I'm not. Praising Him that He uses broken lights and cracked pots. Thanking Him for the beauty in the ashes, the blessing from the heartache, seeing His goodness and mercies are new every day (even when they are hard to see.) I can only imagine what the next 10 years hold!