Beauty From Ashes

Kelly's Korner is hosting Show Us Your Life Friday- Share your testimony. As I was reading her blog, I realized that I don't think I had blogged about my testimony. I thought I would share..then I got to thinking, "God has done so much for me..where do I start?" So I figured I'd just share my heart..hopefully it won't be too long!

I grew up in a Christian home and was raised in church. My parents struggled for nearly 10 years with infertility before I was born and the story around my home church is that the church prayed me into the world! At age 7, I was baptized and "prayed" to receive Christ as my savior. I used "prayed" because I realize now it was my lips moving. I had all of the head knowledge of God and Jesus, knew the songs, knew the Sunday school answers. I was the "good kid."

At age 14, some friends from school invited me to attend a play with them. It was called Judgement House, basically a walk through version of Heaven's Gates and Hell's flames. I realized that night, I was lost as I could be. If I died that night, I would go to hell. I needed a Savior. On October 28, 1995, I began a real genuine relationship with Christ.

My teen years were rough. I mean, I wasn't rebellious, but tell me whose teen years aren't rough? My grandparents became very sick at different points, school, I was still trying to figure out who I was, where I was going. At age 16, I was diagnosed with depression. At first, I didn't understand (and I still don't!) but I knew that God was faithful. This has been a battle (I say battle, because some days it is a literal battle.) I've realized that this isn't necessary a bad thing, it's just something that God has given me to make me rely on Him more than ever.

I graduated high school and began my freshman year of college. That year brought about so many changes. I wrote in an earlier post about my ex boyfriend that was killed in an accident. That event literally brought to me knees and I learned so many lessons from my grief, even 10 years later. I became involved in the Baptist Collegiate Ministries and it changed my life forever. I began to experience God for myself- my own experiences, my own learning lessons. I met some of my closest friends to this day and learned about servant leadership. I learned to love missions. I grew in my faith so much during that time.

I remember after graduation, grad school ahead of me, at our last worship service. My friend Joe was speaking and he talked about priorities. He said that God should not be a priority, but the page that we write our priorities on. At that moment, I felt the Lord gently tell me, "50 years from now, it's not going to matter how many degrees you have, how many letters behind your name or how many children you have. What matters is how you live your life for Me." It was a defining moment.

I went to grad school and then moved 200 miles away from family after graduation. I remember thinking "What in the world am I doing? God, where are You?" That was 6 years ago. These 6 years have been some of the most challenging, painful, yet beautiful years of my life. I can't put into words how good God has been to me during these years. I have my dream job in ministry (after questioning my calling to ministry at age 17 for years!) I have seen God provide for my every need, send me family where I am, given me joy beyond measure in little moments. Life looks totally different from my plan: at 29, I'm single, own my home, and have my dream job. There's no husband or children, or even a dog. Not exactly what I had pictured my life to be at this point, but I'm learning that God's timing is perfect. Some days, I look at how messy life can be and how flawed I am as a human being. But then I see how God has and can make beauty from my ashes.