Hands Tied Behind My Back

I know that everyone is waiting to hear about my trip and that will come...soon. My computer is still sick and now I'm at work (yes, I know it's Sunday, but I had to come on campus for somehting else, so I decided to check my email here.) This post has something to do with my trip, well at least with lessons learned from the trip.

The conference theme was "Moving to the Rhythm of His Grace." That was so powerful to me...to learn to walk to His pace, to His steps, to His guiding. Which leads me to the title, "Hands Tied Behind My Back." One thing that God has shown me lately is the need for surrender. Surrendering of everything. All of my plans, my dreams, my agenda. For example, at the conference, I was supposed to be there as a counselor. There were 50 women there and I had at least 6-8 slots. I saw 4 people all weekend and one person twice. I think if I had told her that she could come for the rest of the available times, she would have. I really didn't do much counseling, I just listened. I was feeling a bit defeated, like, "Why did I come here?" But when I let go and acknowledged the fact that God had called me here and that I answered the call, He used me in incredible ways.

There is a particular situation in my life (it's a good one, it's just that I'm not going to get into specifics here..if you want to know, ask. I don't mind telling you.) that is very difficult for me to surrender to the Lord. But I want to, I need to. I want to lay it down at His feet and leave it there, not pull it back. One of the hardest things for me is to realize that i'm not in control. (anybody else relate?) I want this so badly, to work out, to be great. But I'm also realizing that it can't be great, it can't even be possible if I don't lay it down. Last night, I was praying about it and the image of my hands being tied behind me came to my mind. That' s what I pictured: me at the feet of Jesus, laying this burden at His feet, humbly bowed, but my hands tied behind me so that I can't pick it back up, even if I wanted to. Strange. But honestly, that's how I feel. Lord, keep my hands tied as long as You need them to be. Teach me to walk in Your rhythm of grace, to your speed.